When Hani Met Samia: The Difficulties of Dating in the Coptic Community

Certainly one of most difficult elements of assimilation to endure is the relationship between men and women. To come from a country where there are so many taboos and rules of propriety involving the separation of boys and girls and moving to another country where it seems that anything goes is the ultimate definition of culture shock.

In America, the average teen starts dating when they are about sixteen years old—not including the “dating” that middle schoolers do that literally involves the bragging rights of calling someone their boyfriend/girlfriend while making dreamy looks at each other during class and hold hands during lunch—but actually going out on a date. The boy picks up the girl, probably after just getting his license the week before, and they go off alone. The locations may vary from the movies to dinner at a restaurant to a house party or school dance. Afterwards, it’s usually expected that there is a goodnight kiss involved if the date is a success and an “I’ll call you” promise to set up another time to go out.

In America, it’s typical to date several people when you’re in high school and keep your “options open.” Dating, for the most part, isn’t anything too serious; it’s not an engagement period for two people nor is it a sacred thing for most couples in the early stages. (Although that little girl doesn't look too happy that her boyfriend is playing the field, does she?) Each individual has their own standards of what physical activity is allowed and not allowed, which they usually describe by the commonly referenced baseball field analogy. Although there are variations of which base is equivalent to which activity, the commonly agreed bases deal with first being kissing and “home run” being sexual intercourse. Regardless of what your limits are, it’s become a rite of passage into adulthood to lose your virginity by prom night for many American teens.

In America, it’s much more common to hear about couples having a sexual relationship when they reach adulthood and to even live together before they agree to get married. Their entire opinion on sexuality changes drastically from the time of their first sex ed class to their first serious relationship and even beyond. Take, for example, the euphemisms “hooking up” and “messing around.” In high school, those phrases used to mean that two people were simply making-out. Once you reach college, those same phrases take on a completely different connotation. From now on, when you here that two people “hooked-up,” they didn’t just make-out; they had sex. What’s frightening is this: what changes is not the literal meaning of the words, but the person’s interpretation of sex. To “hook up” with someone while you’re in high school is not a big deal because you two didn’t have sex. And when you “hook up” with someone in college, it isn’t a big deal either because one-night stands are simply part of the college experience for many Americans.

And while the country is dealing with a 50% divorce rate, you have to wonder if it is their flexible views on dating and sex that has a hand in it.

Egypt, on the other hand, is quite different. A friend said it best when, during his father’s eulogy, he stated: “at forty, after three Master’s degrees, he decided it was time to get married. So he went to Egypt and a week later he was married.” Not dated, not engaged, but married. There’s no concept of dating in Egypt. In fact, your contact with most people of the opposite sex by the time you hit puberty is cut dramatically. Long gone are the days where you could play with everyone, like this boy and girl photographed on the left, and not have a major gossip column dedicated to your personal life. It’s as if the elders smelled the hormones bubbling and decided to take action before your reputation became tainted.

During the liturgy or any church service, regardless of the continent it’s on, men and women are separated (usually men sit on the left side of the church and women sit on the right). Even when taking Communion, they go to separate sides of the altar. In social outings, a girl cannot sit alone with a boy and vice versa—they’re always within a group regardless if those two are best friends. And if there’s a moment when those of the opposite sex are at a home and they’re not related, there’s always a chaperone of sorts lurking around the corner. Actually most won’t lurk; they openly sit and watch so as not to give these two people the option to give into temptation—even though they may not be each other’s type. You may be laughing, but I’ve experienced this personally on several occasions.

In Egypt, it’s very common to hear about a boy and girl getting engage shortly after they've met—and most importantly, after their parents have met and discussed the prospects of their children marrying. Once they are engaged, then they can start going out in public and sitting by themselves, etc. However, the sexual nature of dating is not even in Egyptians’ vocabulary. It’s just not something they do until they get married. And those who are rebellious enough to date like the Americans or Europeans do so secretly.

So where does that leave those Copts who straddle the Atlantic threshold? Do they date the American way or abstain the Egyptian way? We Diaspora Copts who were born in America or moved here at a younger age know three sure-fire ways to give our parents a conniption by becoming consensual partners-in-crime to some of the major cultural taboos within the underground dating scene.

The first: coming out. It’s one thing to date undercover. It’s another thing entirely when you’re dating someone who shares the same gender that you do. To be gay in the Coptic/Egyptian community is a major no-no for both religious and cultural reasons and will definitely have your parents dragging you by your black hair to the priest’s house to exercise the gayness out of you until you are on the straight and narrow path of heterosexuality.

The second: the Muslim lover. Parents and Church elders look at this interreligious coupling as if a Holocaust survivor started dating a Nazi solider. It is completely unacceptable not only because of the major religious differences, but also because of the clashes between the two in the motherland. The whole reason we are here and not back “home” is because of how Christians are treated by the Muslim inhabitants. Many who are in these types of relationships give the excuse that their Muslim counterpart could always convert, since the Church only recognizes marriages between two Coptic Orthodox believers. But let’s be realistic: how many of us actually marry our high school sweetheart? With that in mind, is it really worth it the secrets and the fighting? You decide.

The third: going black. Dating an African-American has been the cause of fights between all Coptic girls and their parents. We can’t help it. Stereotypically, black men prefer women with wide hips and thighs… and let’s face it, ladies, we like men who appreciate our assets. However, parents disagree with their girls getting romantic with the naturally tanner men because “their culture is different,” even though we both come from the same continent. But have no fear, my dear girls: out of these three taboos, this is the one that will most likely be accepted with the right guy, good timing, and your persistence.

But like I said, I already knew all of that. And the fact of the matter is, when we are ready to get married, most of us combine the American and Egyptian way. We’ll date someone for at least a year or two before we get engaged, but sex is not an option until the wedding night.

However, one of the hot button issues is dating in high school. I wanted to find out what’s going on in the minds of Coptic teenagers nowadays; so, once again, I took a poll at St. Mark’s Coptic Orthodox Church of Washington, DC and asked their high school group and college freshmen a few questions about dating at their age.

My first question dealt with this growing phenomenon of “talking” among the high school. When confronted with interrogations if they are dating someone, many will deny it and say variations of “No, we’re not dating, we’re ‘talking.’” So what is “talking” exactly?

· “Well, if this means that they aren’t dating but they “like” each other, then it’s talking a great amount (at all hours of the day) and/or at late hours. We like to deny that we are actually ‘dating’ because it’s frowned upon, but in reality, that’s what is happening when two people are ‘talking’ in that way. Also....certain things are said that wouldn’t be said to any other person.” M—, age 16, Copt.

· “Talking can be used to mean a few different things: 1) It's like dating without the title. Having the title can bring on complications. 2) The term that covers flirting without the promiscuous feel put on display. 3) A way to be involved in the feel of having a significant other without the commitment. 4) ‘practice dating.’” S—, age 15, Copt

When asked about their views on dating at their age, I found polar opposite responses. About half were okay with dating, saying there’s nothing wrong with it, while others found dating in high school to be immoral and illogical:

· “I want to date when I want to find love and I want to find love when I want to get married, I am not getting married at 16. Dating [in high school] is frivolous and hazardous. Sure everyone wants the kind of attention one receives in a relationship, but it’s bound to end if you enter the dating world too soon. When a relationship ends it usually causes emotional pain that one begins to associate with having a boyfriend/girlfriend and looks for another person to fill this void. It is like a drug.” Germeen, age 16, Copt.

· “My parents have expressed the importance of getting an excellent education. They have no problem with me commenting that XYZ is hot, but that's as far as it goes. ‘You have one chance on education right now, and a million for boys when you're done, stay focused.’” S—, age 15, Copt.

· “Well, I don’t think it's wrong. I mean, I understand why everyone was saying don’t date in high school...but the older you get, your views change and start seeing things that you didn't pay attention to before!” Miriam, age 18, Copt.

· “My views on dating are that it is completely acceptable to date within a pure and God-centered context. It is a chance for two individuals to learn to grow independently, but also with one another to find if a long-term relationship is possible. I do not believe that dating should be simply casual (though it should be enjoyable); I believe that dating should be with the intent to find someone compatible for you, and someone from God that will walk with you lovingly, emotionally, and spiritually for the rest of your life. There needs to be an aspect of vulnerability in the relationship, but boundaries are necessary. Those in a dating relationship are to prepare themselves to be husbands/wives, but not be ‘practicing’ or acting as if a married couple would.” Mary, age 20, Coptic American.

Very few have admitted to a moderate belief in the positives and negatives of dating in high school; however, they have personally chosen to abstain from dating until they are older. Those who have decided to date had their first date when they were about sixteen or seventeen. One person admitted to having his when he was twelve while the other waited until she was nineteen.


And of course, every individual draws a line at what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Less than one percent of those who were polled admitted to having been sexually active. A couple individuals discussed how everything except oral sex and sexual intercourse were fine, while you are in a relationship. Others drew the line at several different places:

· “Personally, I think that if you do decide to date in high school, like, there is nothing wrong with kissing. But the making out and PDA and just nastiness pisses me off. Just a little kiss and holding hands are not that bad.” Yordi, age 16, Ethopian-Coptic-American

· “I think the line should be drawn after hugging or holding hands because then you can't really control yourself sometimes and one thing will lead to another.” Miriam, age 18, Copt.

· “Since [I began] dating, it has been a tension to establish boundaries. I prefer not to use the word ‘allowed,’ but rather, what is ‘appropriate.’ Much of that comes from the idea of 1 Corinthians 6:12 that ‘everything is permissible for me— but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me—but I will not be mastered by anything.’ Making ‘rules’ is not the same as setting boundaries. For me and my boyfriend, we have decided that holding hands is appropriate and light kissing, but avoiding making out. We decided this because these are the ways we wanted to show affection, without causing each other to stumble. Although we have set boundaries, we have found that it is absolutely essential to continue defining our boundaries based on the changes we go through as a couple, and redefining places where we have made mistakes, etc.” Mary, age 20, Coptic American.

Although the lines of propriety and views on dating may vary, they all have one thing in common: parents who did it the “Egyptian way.” Those who decided to hide their past and present relationships from their parents justify their actions by saying their parents are “old-fashioned” or “close-minded.” One said: [My mom] would get mad and start yelling and then she would go all Christian on me and tell everyone and make me break up with her.” K—, age 14, Copt. They have a complex that, because their parents are Egyptians who’ve done everything by the old-country’s standards, their children need abide by those standards as well. If they find out, there will be hell to pay. There will be beatings involving the notorious flip-flop, forced break-ups, and a lack of trust that will probably follow them until they’re thirty.

A view that was also expressed included how their high school servants and elders treat them in their dealings with the opposite sex. Anonymity will be used for this section of quotes. Church servants, if you’re reading this, pay attention:

· “I would like to change the perspective of the older people because, especially in out high school ministry, a lot of the servants are very strict with boys and girls and we all heard about the ‘lost generation’ of Copts but this time we are different and we want the servants to kinda not be so strict. Even talking to a boy makes them suspicious.”

· “Oh my goodness! The fact that guys and girls get yelled at if they hug each other. Even if the girl is older, they freak out and think they’re like having sex or something!”

· “Parents and kids need to have a means of understanding one another, and high school outings [need to] lighten up on the severity and strictness.”

· “[High school servants need] to be more relaxed about dating ‘cause no matter what, we're gonna do it behind your back.”

So what do parents and church servants do when they hear something like that: “no matter what, we’re gonna do it behind your back.” Parents try to enforce and beg that their children do it their way; Church servants try to enforce the ideal time to date is when you are “spiritually, mentally, and financially” ready. But is there really anything you can say when someone’s mind is already made up? Maybe the best we can do is give them our opinion and let them learn through experience if dating in high school is really worth it.

The best way to sum up the difference between beliefs and actions of the Second-Generation, Diaspora Copts is through a quote by seventeen year old Mariam. She states: “I have dated before and found no point for it at the end, and I won’t be surprised if I dated again even though I know all of this. And if you ask me why I would date again, I think my answer would be that I can't help it.”

Cross Tattoos: To Get Inked or Not To Get Inked

What’s in a tattoo? That which we call a cross by any other name would still be ink penetrated in the skin.

Cross tattoos come in all sizes; they can be as elaborative or as simple as the person wants them to be; and they can be placed anywhere on the body. Like what this man did, for example. Tattooed on the entirety of his back, using black and brown ink, is a crucifix. It shows every notch and splinters of the cross as well as the Christ; created with the realism and detail of a DaVinci painting. It is also the most expensive one that I've seen—costing at least a thousand dollars.

This picture shows a rosary wrapped around a girl’s ankle with the cross hanging off of it and laying on the top of her foot. Clearly, it is a simpler and more delicate representation then the man's, but if you look closely you can find details in the shading of the beads and the outline of the cross. We can also guess that the girl is Catholic, since the rosary is used mainly in Catholicism.

On the left, we have an Ethiopian Orthodox Christian—a sister sect to the Coptic Orthodox Christians—with a cross tattoo on her forehead. Hers is the simplest of the group: a blob of ink in the shape of a Coptic cross with its three points on each side. Unlike her two counterparts, she did not get it in a tattoo parlor; she got it in a monastery. And although her cross is neither as precise nor as symmetrical as the other two, she is taking on the greater challenge of placing it on an area of the body where she cannot hide it. The man and the other woman can cover their art whenever they want—the man can put on a shirt and the girl can wear thick hosiery, such as tights, or can wear athletic shoes. This Ethiopian girl, however, will forever be a consensual “slave of God” to all that see her.

You may be thinking, what does all this have to do with Coptic Orthodoxy? One of the simplest ways to identify a Coptic Christian from the rest of the crowd is to look at the inside of their wrists. If they have a cross tattoo on their right wrist, like this person here, they are a Copt. If they don’t, they either haven’t gotten it yet or you have just embarrassed yourself by grabbing a random stranger’s arm.

I still remember vividly the first time someone had grabbed my arm to look at my cross. I went to Georgetown a week after my eighteenth birthday and got an outline of a Coptic cross on my wrist. A week after that, I was handing an essay to my English teacher after school. My sleeves were rolled up so it wouldn’t rub against and aggravate my healing wrist. He grabbed my arm and asked me if I was joking. I gave him a questionable look and he pointed to my cross. “This isn’t real, right?”

“Of course it is,” I told him.

He then proceeded to lace his thumb with saliva from his tongue and rub out what he thought was a fake tattoo. My cross was still raw and the idea of having my teacher’s saliva on my wrist made me yank my arm away. He was completely shocked that one of his quietest and most studious kids would have the audacity to get a tattoo—and in an area that was hard to cover up. It was then that I had to explain to him that it wasn’t a moment of rebellion, but a type of religious/ethnic tradition.

For centuries upon centuries, Coptic Christians as young as toddlers have permanently identified themselves as followers of Christ by allowing monks to tattoo their wrist with a small bluish-green cross. Although there is nothing in Church dogma that requires this act, it has become a tradition through the historical persecution Copts had to endure.

As stated before in this blog, when the Arab Muslims invaded Egypt in 641AD, they gave the Copts three options: convert, remain Christian and pay the Jizya, or death. Those who remained Christian not only had to pay the Jizya tax, but they also went through various methods of identification initiated by the Arabs—like how Jews were required to wear the Star of David on their apparel during World War II. Most notably, Christians were required to wear a large iron cross around there neck. It was said to be so heavy that Christians walked hunchback and, because of the pressure it caused against the neck, their lower cervical bone turned blue.

When it was finally decided to identify themselves through tattoos, the Copts had them placed on the inside of their right wrist in bluish-green ink—as homage to the previous generations’ blue-boned neck.

According to Jennifer A. Johnson’s article entitled “Tattoos of the Cross” in ChristianHistory.net, she states: “During these long periods of maltreatment, the Coptic practice of tattooing arose. In the fourth century A.D., the Montanists, a Christian sect relying heavily on the Book of Revelation, began tattooing themselves as “slaves of God” (Rev. 7:2-3). The earliest evidence of Coptic tattooing goes back to the eighth-century, when Egyptian monks began to brand their hands with Christian symbols. Some scholars believe they learned the practice from Ethiopian Christians, who branded crosses on their foreheads, temples, and wrists.”

An example of the Ethiopians’ style of tattooing can be found in this picture. This girl has simple crosses on her temples and chin. On her forehead is a circle with the four points of the cross. In essences, placing these crosses on the four corners of her face symbolizes the four corners of a cross as well as the “sign of the cross”—the way Orthodox Christians begin and end their prayers. When we say “In the name of the Father,” we take our right hand, placing the thumb, index, and middle finger together—representing the Holy Trinity—and placing our ring and middle finger to our palm—representing the divine and human nature of Christ—and tap our forehead. Then when we say “and the Son,” we tap our stomach; “and the Holy Spirit,” we tap our left shoulder; “one God,” we tap our right shoulder; “Amen,” we take the three fingers representing the Holy Trinity and we kiss it. In the case of the girl, she has a minimized representation of making the sign of the cross to her face alone.

Copts look at their tattoos as a sign of pride and not just a sign of religious distinction. As “the Church of the Martyrs” and “the Mother Church of Africa” there is a plethora of reasons to be proud of our Coptic heritage. Johnson goes on to quote Coptic scholar Otto Meinardus: “In times of persecution, the tattoo of the cross has given strength to the faithful and has made it impossible for them to deny their faith.”

Now fast-forward to the present day. According to a 2006 Pew Research Poll, over a third of Americans between eighteen and forty have at least one tattoo. These tattoos vary from portrayals of religious beliefs to honoring the death of a loved one to following trends like the tramp stamp and tribal bands. With a culture that has made getting inked as easy as covering the cash to pay for the artist’s labor, I wonder about the motivation of the Diaspora Copts in America. Do we still tattoo crosses for the sake of religious and ethnical pride? Or are we simply following the fade of getting a tattoo and justifying the act by getting a cross? After all, we see celebrities like Justin Timberlake, Christopher Meloni, and Angelina Jolie all sporting cross tattoos, but they aren’t the correct representation of God-fearing, church-going Christians.

To quench my curiosity, I took a poll at St. Mark’s Coptic Orthodox Church of Washington, DC and asked why they got their cross, and to those who didn’t sport a tattoo if they would ever get one and why. Here are just a few of the responses I received:

· “[I got my cross tattoo on my wrist] to proudly represent my orthodox roots, to distinguish and separate me from everyone else and to always remind me that even if I fall out of touch with God (continue to fall into sin), I will ALWAYS be his little girl.” ~ Nora Awad, college student at George Mason. She received her cross when she was 19 at Samaan el Kharas Monastery in Egypt.

· “I always did want one, but not just on my wrist. I would want them on my palms down to a little bit below my wrist. That way, whenever I would do anything: eat, play sports, give a talk, teach a lesson etc. I could physically see the cross that gives me power.” ~Pat Youssef.

· “It’s the greatest image in the world!” Eddie Fam, who got his cross at 27 in America.

· “I had always wanted one, drawing it on notebooks all throughout high school, and fondly remembering my grandmother’s that she got in Jerusalem when she was a young girl. I wanted to have a constant visual reminder of what Christ did for me, use it as a tool for witnessing my faith, and to join in solidarity with Copts worldwide.” ~ Mariam Mitry, who was 19 when she got her cross on her wrist in America.

· “I got it as my way of not only identifying who I was (and will always be, even if I want to change my mind in the future), but also for people to ask questions. If people saw something tattooed on another person, they’d know it was serious and meaningful, so they want to know what and why.” Samatha Elbouez, who was 19 when she got her tattoo in America.

· “No, [I don’t have one]. But I want one to be a reminder of who I am especially when I’m out doing missions.” Marina Guirguis, high school student at Freedom High School.

· “I was too young [when I got the one on my wrist]. I have another one right on my forehand that I got when I was twelve.” A.J. Meunier, who got both tattoos in Egypt.

As you can see, although some have tattooed more elaborate and creative crosses on our arms, the majority who do have the cross or will get in the future are still following the same reasons for it from the eighth century—religious distinction and a reminder of Christ’s love for us.

But not everyone feels the same way about the cross tattoos. Amira Khair graduate of American University, states: “I definitely understand the purpose of it as a reminder of Jesus, faith, etc. I’m just not a fan of tattoos in general,” while Maro Youssef, a graduate student at George Washington University says, “No, [I do not plan on getting a cross tattoo] because it’ll prevent me from getting certain jobs.” Although these two women, and others who think alike, do not wish to tattoo themselves, it does not make them any less of a Coptic Orthodox Christian. Remember, the tattoos were a response to the persecution Copts endured in Egypt centuries ago. It is a tradition, not a commandment from God. And because of that, they can find other ways to represent their beliefs, such as wearing a cross or crucifix pendant.

However, the most important way to show our beliefs is through actions. “Talking the talk” would be counterproductive if you don’t “walk the walk.” The same idea applies to us Copts: if we behave in a way that misrepresents our belief system—such as being sexually promiscuous when the Bible tells us to wait until marriage—then we are doing a disservice to our faith and ethnicity—especially if we are wearing a cross tattoo. The tattoo, a sign of faith, ethnicity, and pride, also makes us into ambassadors for Christ. We are held to a higher standard because we are openly saying that we are Coptic Christians; so when we act inappropriately, it not only makes us look like hypocrites, but the entire Coptic community.

So to enlighten other Copts who are asking themselves whether to get inked or not to get inked, I believe it depends on how ready and willing they are to be in the spotlight. If you are defiant against the major viewpoints of the Church, then it would behoove you to delay getting inked until you actually believe what the cross represents. If you honestly try to follow the Church’s teachings and are ready for the magnitude that comes with permanently identifying yourselves as a Coptic Christian, then I encourage you to get it.

Being Coptic in America means we need to behave circumspectly. Yes we all struggle and yes we all have bad days, but we also need to realize that we may be the only exposure to others—co-workers, classmates, random Janes and Joes on the street—of what is a Coptic Christian.

Ignorance is…

Bliss. Or at least that’s what they tell me. And maybe that’s the case in certain scenarios, but not all of them. Take growing up, for example. How do you know what you are going to be if you don’t know where you came from? Ignoring your roots, or simply not knowing them at all, affects the foundation that you build your life upon—because there simply is no foundation without roots.

In the two years of working with the high school youth group at my church and four years attending the “Primetime” College Friday Night meetings, I have probably heard every Arab joke there is. From extremely late arrivals to any and all events—“there is no discrimination on what we are late for, we're just late for everything,” they say—to the typical arrogant egos of Arab males to gossiping mouths of Arab women. Of course, these examples are only jokes and not meant to include every single person of Arab descent. What saddens me, however, is that the youth group as well as the majority of college students at our church includes us in the ethnic category of “Arab.”

We are Copts. We are Egyptian. We are North African. I will even go so far as to call us Middle Eastern, even though that is a term invented in the 1950’s and we have been around much, much longer than that—but one thing we are not is Arab.

Depending on who you talk to, depends on the criteria used to decipher an Arab from a non-Arab. Many people use the criteria of language. If the country’s national language speaks Arabic, then you must be an Arab. If we apply that logic to other countries, then that means Americans are really English, right? Or that Mexicans are Spanish? Of course we all know better than that. People of America speak English, but they are Americans. Mexicans speak Spanish, but God help you if you call them Spanish to their face. Englishmen are from England and the Spanish are from Spain and although they share the connection of language to those in different countries, it does not change the ethnicity of the people.

Furthermore, the languages of these once colonized countries have become a colloquial, bastardized version of their origin. The English would use words like “lift, petro, and mobile,” where as Americans would say “elevator, gas, and cell phone,” respectively. The Arabic spoken in Egypt is no exception to that rule. Egyptian Arabic, although the most widely understood dialect of all the Arabic-speaking countries, have developed miles of differences to that of the more formal Modern Standard Arabic.

When I met Gregory Orfalea, author of The Arab Americans: A History, two years ago at a teacher’s workshop in Georgetown University, I asked him about his criteria. We exchanged the typical Arabic greetings and pleasantries as he prepared his answer—immediately recognizing my Egyptian Arabic. He insinuated that it was all relative, but he agreed with the majority of the world to decipher Arab ethnicity by language—with a few exceptions. He asked if I was Coptic Orthodox and I showed him my cross tattoo on my wrist—a significant identification of a Coptic Christian. “If we looked at it in the genealogical sense,” he said, “then of course the Coptic people are not Arab because they have no origins in the Arabian Peninsula.”

Let’s take a deeper look at the principle of genealogy. At one point, shortly after the ascension of Christ, Coptic Orthodoxy was the majority religion of Egypt. The national language was Coptic, not Arabic. Also, the ethnicity of the Egyptian people were called Copts; hence the reason why Copts are considered an ethno-religious group. Then in 641AD, the Copts encountered the Arab-Muslim Invasion. They were given three options: convert, pay the Jizya—a special tax to stay Christian, or death. Many could not afford the tax, so they either converted to Islam or died for their faith. In addition, the Arabs also enforced their language by banning the use of the Coptic language in public. Although Coptic is one of the major languages spoken in the liturgy, very few people can have a conversation in that tongue.

For those who still consider Egyptians to be Arabs, let me ask this question: is it possible for a nation to invade and conquer their own people? Of course not; there is nothing to conquer when it already belongs to that nation.

I am not suggesting that Copts are above the Arabs. After all, we are late everywhere we go—to the extent that if we are fifteen minutes late by American standards, we’re at least a half hour early by Egyptian standards. Most Egyptian men are sweet but abundantly arrogant, and many of the women love to spread the juicy gossip. I simply want to untangle this misunderstanding that many of our Coptic youth seem to possess. Maybe then, they will take more pride in being something so exotic that the average person in America has yet to understand.

2nd-Generation Immigrants, Lend Me Your Ears!

Here's the million dollar question, are you ready for it? When you're a second-generation immigrant, how American can you be without losing yourself? I mean, what's the give and take? What are you willing to lose from your heritage to assimilate into the average American twenty-something?

My answer: very little. I am Egyptian, and yes, I am related to the pharoahs. But most importantly, I'm Coptic Orthodox. Americans' lack of knowledge and familiarity with us--unless you are a theologian, that is--has caused this 2nd generation immigrant to hold tight to her religion, culture, and ethics.

I can't say the same for all Copts in America though. Some are tired by the typical questions (So, where are you from? Egypt, huh? So you're Muslim? No? Coptic Orthodox, what's that?) and hide behind the American facade.

However, at the beginning and end of every day I have to look at myself in the mirror. And I wouldn't be able to if I ignored my Coptic complexion.

But I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit to being somewhat affected by being born on US territory (I'll give you a hint: it's the land of sex, drugs, and reggae) and raised in a suburban area in the States. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is who I am.


If you want to check out a film that explores the same difficulties of identity and assimilation, I highly recommend renting The Namesake. It's about an Indian family, not Coptic, but Kal Penn and Irfan Khan give remarkable performances. Until I can figure out how to embed a video here, please check out the trailer at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sOaA-4Y8tI