On Why I Muse Over the Complexities of the Threshold

Growing up as a second-generation immigrant isn't easy. Add in a religion and ingrained culture that seems to have polar opposite views as the new country you currently reside in doesn't help either.

When I was growing up, the decision of which view to assimilate into the American acceptability and which to maintain in the Egyptian propriety became one of the hardest hurdles to overcome. So, I did everything by the book. The Egyptian book. My second home was my church. Everything they said I took for gospel, regardless if they used the actual religious dogma or the old country's justifications to proclaim it was right . For example, I remember a Sunday school class when I was in elementary school that talked about dressing appropriately for church because it was the house of God--something that any Christian religion would advocate. When we reached our teen years, one teacher who was clearly new to the country told us to dress appropriately because if we didn't, we would cause the men in church to sin--an extreme Middle Eastern cultural view of the two sexes. She went on to say that men were the weaker sex and it was our job as women to make sure we dressed in a way that wouldn't tempt them to think sexual thoughts. If we did, then we were responsible for their sin and we would get punished for it--a more severe punishment than the man who performed the actual impure thought.

Apparently, this woman never got the memo that women have hormones and an imagination as well.

But I did as they asked because, hey, it was much easier to listen to one school of thought than two. You see, there weren't any websites like mine out there; those that tackled the identity crisis. Basically, there were two types of websites that discussed the Coptic community: those that alerted others to the persecution in the Middle East and those that enlightened others of the Coptic Orthodox beliefs. That was it. And for a while, I was fine with that. But then something changed. Something that made me see the "gray-area" light.

I went to college.

I saw all different types of cultures, beliefs, and daily practices from people who seemed undoubtably confident in what they were doing. I began debating what could I ease up on without going against my religion and the main positive aspects of Coptic culture. And so I created this blog.

It became clear to me that I needed to set a foundation of our roots before I got into the tangled mess of American and Coptic notions: roots like correcting the misconception that Copts are Arabs, that we come from the Church of the Martyrs, and the history behind our notorious cross tattoos. By doing that, I was then able to discuss whether we should get tattooed or not, my views on dancing, when it's appropriate to date. These are all problems we go through today.

I look forward to continuing this blog and addressing other issues that can help Coptic teens ease into the American society without feeling like they left their ethnicity back in the old country.

When Hani Met Samia: The Difficulties of Dating in the Coptic Community

Certainly one of most difficult elements of assimilation to endure is the relationship between men and women. To come from a country where there are so many taboos and rules of propriety involving the separation of boys and girls and moving to another country where it seems that anything goes is the ultimate definition of culture shock.

In America, the average teen starts dating when they are about sixteen years old—not including the “dating” that middle schoolers do that literally involves the bragging rights of calling someone their boyfriend/girlfriend while making dreamy looks at each other during class and hold hands during lunch—but actually going out on a date. The boy picks up the girl, probably after just getting his license the week before, and they go off alone. The locations may vary from the movies to dinner at a restaurant to a house party or school dance. Afterwards, it’s usually expected that there is a goodnight kiss involved if the date is a success and an “I’ll call you” promise to set up another time to go out.

In America, it’s typical to date several people when you’re in high school and keep your “options open.” Dating, for the most part, isn’t anything too serious; it’s not an engagement period for two people nor is it a sacred thing for most couples in the early stages. (Although that little girl doesn't look too happy that her boyfriend is playing the field, does she?) Each individual has their own standards of what physical activity is allowed and not allowed, which they usually describe by the commonly referenced baseball field analogy. Although there are variations of which base is equivalent to which activity, the commonly agreed bases deal with first being kissing and “home run” being sexual intercourse. Regardless of what your limits are, it’s become a rite of passage into adulthood to lose your virginity by prom night for many American teens.

In America, it’s much more common to hear about couples having a sexual relationship when they reach adulthood and to even live together before they agree to get married. Their entire opinion on sexuality changes drastically from the time of their first sex ed class to their first serious relationship and even beyond. Take, for example, the euphemisms “hooking up” and “messing around.” In high school, those phrases used to mean that two people were simply making-out. Once you reach college, those same phrases take on a completely different connotation. From now on, when you here that two people “hooked-up,” they didn’t just make-out; they had sex. What’s frightening is this: what changes is not the literal meaning of the words, but the person’s interpretation of sex. To “hook up” with someone while you’re in high school is not a big deal because you two didn’t have sex. And when you “hook up” with someone in college, it isn’t a big deal either because one-night stands are simply part of the college experience for many Americans.

And while the country is dealing with a 50% divorce rate, you have to wonder if it is their flexible views on dating and sex that has a hand in it.

Egypt, on the other hand, is quite different. A friend said it best when, during his father’s eulogy, he stated: “at forty, after three Master’s degrees, he decided it was time to get married. So he went to Egypt and a week later he was married.” Not dated, not engaged, but married. There’s no concept of dating in Egypt. In fact, your contact with most people of the opposite sex by the time you hit puberty is cut dramatically. Long gone are the days where you could play with everyone, like this boy and girl photographed on the left, and not have a major gossip column dedicated to your personal life. It’s as if the elders smelled the hormones bubbling and decided to take action before your reputation became tainted.

During the liturgy or any church service, regardless of the continent it’s on, men and women are separated (usually men sit on the left side of the church and women sit on the right). Even when taking Communion, they go to separate sides of the altar. In social outings, a girl cannot sit alone with a boy and vice versa—they’re always within a group regardless if those two are best friends. And if there’s a moment when those of the opposite sex are at a home and they’re not related, there’s always a chaperone of sorts lurking around the corner. Actually most won’t lurk; they openly sit and watch so as not to give these two people the option to give into temptation—even though they may not be each other’s type. You may be laughing, but I’ve experienced this personally on several occasions.

In Egypt, it’s very common to hear about a boy and girl getting engage shortly after they've met—and most importantly, after their parents have met and discussed the prospects of their children marrying. Once they are engaged, then they can start going out in public and sitting by themselves, etc. However, the sexual nature of dating is not even in Egyptians’ vocabulary. It’s just not something they do until they get married. And those who are rebellious enough to date like the Americans or Europeans do so secretly.

So where does that leave those Copts who straddle the Atlantic threshold? Do they date the American way or abstain the Egyptian way? We Diaspora Copts who were born in America or moved here at a younger age know three sure-fire ways to give our parents a conniption by becoming consensual partners-in-crime to some of the major cultural taboos within the underground dating scene.

The first: coming out. It’s one thing to date undercover. It’s another thing entirely when you’re dating someone who shares the same gender that you do. To be gay in the Coptic/Egyptian community is a major no-no for both religious and cultural reasons and will definitely have your parents dragging you by your black hair to the priest’s house to exercise the gayness out of you until you are on the straight and narrow path of heterosexuality.

The second: the Muslim lover. Parents and Church elders look at this interreligious coupling as if a Holocaust survivor started dating a Nazi solider. It is completely unacceptable not only because of the major religious differences, but also because of the clashes between the two in the motherland. The whole reason we are here and not back “home” is because of how Christians are treated by the Muslim inhabitants. Many who are in these types of relationships give the excuse that their Muslim counterpart could always convert, since the Church only recognizes marriages between two Coptic Orthodox believers. But let’s be realistic: how many of us actually marry our high school sweetheart? With that in mind, is it really worth it the secrets and the fighting? You decide.

The third: going black. Dating an African-American has been the cause of fights between all Coptic girls and their parents. We can’t help it. Stereotypically, black men prefer women with wide hips and thighs… and let’s face it, ladies, we like men who appreciate our assets. However, parents disagree with their girls getting romantic with the naturally tanner men because “their culture is different,” even though we both come from the same continent. But have no fear, my dear girls: out of these three taboos, this is the one that will most likely be accepted with the right guy, good timing, and your persistence.

But like I said, I already knew all of that. And the fact of the matter is, when we are ready to get married, most of us combine the American and Egyptian way. We’ll date someone for at least a year or two before we get engaged, but sex is not an option until the wedding night.

However, one of the hot button issues is dating in high school. I wanted to find out what’s going on in the minds of Coptic teenagers nowadays; so, once again, I took a poll at St. Mark’s Coptic Orthodox Church of Washington, DC and asked their high school group and college freshmen a few questions about dating at their age.

My first question dealt with this growing phenomenon of “talking” among the high school. When confronted with interrogations if they are dating someone, many will deny it and say variations of “No, we’re not dating, we’re ‘talking.’” So what is “talking” exactly?

· “Well, if this means that they aren’t dating but they “like” each other, then it’s talking a great amount (at all hours of the day) and/or at late hours. We like to deny that we are actually ‘dating’ because it’s frowned upon, but in reality, that’s what is happening when two people are ‘talking’ in that way. Also....certain things are said that wouldn’t be said to any other person.” M—, age 16, Copt.

· “Talking can be used to mean a few different things: 1) It's like dating without the title. Having the title can bring on complications. 2) The term that covers flirting without the promiscuous feel put on display. 3) A way to be involved in the feel of having a significant other without the commitment. 4) ‘practice dating.’” S—, age 15, Copt

When asked about their views on dating at their age, I found polar opposite responses. About half were okay with dating, saying there’s nothing wrong with it, while others found dating in high school to be immoral and illogical:

· “I want to date when I want to find love and I want to find love when I want to get married, I am not getting married at 16. Dating [in high school] is frivolous and hazardous. Sure everyone wants the kind of attention one receives in a relationship, but it’s bound to end if you enter the dating world too soon. When a relationship ends it usually causes emotional pain that one begins to associate with having a boyfriend/girlfriend and looks for another person to fill this void. It is like a drug.” Germeen, age 16, Copt.

· “My parents have expressed the importance of getting an excellent education. They have no problem with me commenting that XYZ is hot, but that's as far as it goes. ‘You have one chance on education right now, and a million for boys when you're done, stay focused.’” S—, age 15, Copt.

· “Well, I don’t think it's wrong. I mean, I understand why everyone was saying don’t date in high school...but the older you get, your views change and start seeing things that you didn't pay attention to before!” Miriam, age 18, Copt.

· “My views on dating are that it is completely acceptable to date within a pure and God-centered context. It is a chance for two individuals to learn to grow independently, but also with one another to find if a long-term relationship is possible. I do not believe that dating should be simply casual (though it should be enjoyable); I believe that dating should be with the intent to find someone compatible for you, and someone from God that will walk with you lovingly, emotionally, and spiritually for the rest of your life. There needs to be an aspect of vulnerability in the relationship, but boundaries are necessary. Those in a dating relationship are to prepare themselves to be husbands/wives, but not be ‘practicing’ or acting as if a married couple would.” Mary, age 20, Coptic American.

Very few have admitted to a moderate belief in the positives and negatives of dating in high school; however, they have personally chosen to abstain from dating until they are older. Those who have decided to date had their first date when they were about sixteen or seventeen. One person admitted to having his when he was twelve while the other waited until she was nineteen.


And of course, every individual draws a line at what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Less than one percent of those who were polled admitted to having been sexually active. A couple individuals discussed how everything except oral sex and sexual intercourse were fine, while you are in a relationship. Others drew the line at several different places:

· “Personally, I think that if you do decide to date in high school, like, there is nothing wrong with kissing. But the making out and PDA and just nastiness pisses me off. Just a little kiss and holding hands are not that bad.” Yordi, age 16, Ethopian-Coptic-American

· “I think the line should be drawn after hugging or holding hands because then you can't really control yourself sometimes and one thing will lead to another.” Miriam, age 18, Copt.

· “Since [I began] dating, it has been a tension to establish boundaries. I prefer not to use the word ‘allowed,’ but rather, what is ‘appropriate.’ Much of that comes from the idea of 1 Corinthians 6:12 that ‘everything is permissible for me— but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me—but I will not be mastered by anything.’ Making ‘rules’ is not the same as setting boundaries. For me and my boyfriend, we have decided that holding hands is appropriate and light kissing, but avoiding making out. We decided this because these are the ways we wanted to show affection, without causing each other to stumble. Although we have set boundaries, we have found that it is absolutely essential to continue defining our boundaries based on the changes we go through as a couple, and redefining places where we have made mistakes, etc.” Mary, age 20, Coptic American.

Although the lines of propriety and views on dating may vary, they all have one thing in common: parents who did it the “Egyptian way.” Those who decided to hide their past and present relationships from their parents justify their actions by saying their parents are “old-fashioned” or “close-minded.” One said: [My mom] would get mad and start yelling and then she would go all Christian on me and tell everyone and make me break up with her.” K—, age 14, Copt. They have a complex that, because their parents are Egyptians who’ve done everything by the old-country’s standards, their children need abide by those standards as well. If they find out, there will be hell to pay. There will be beatings involving the notorious flip-flop, forced break-ups, and a lack of trust that will probably follow them until they’re thirty.

A view that was also expressed included how their high school servants and elders treat them in their dealings with the opposite sex. Anonymity will be used for this section of quotes. Church servants, if you’re reading this, pay attention:

· “I would like to change the perspective of the older people because, especially in out high school ministry, a lot of the servants are very strict with boys and girls and we all heard about the ‘lost generation’ of Copts but this time we are different and we want the servants to kinda not be so strict. Even talking to a boy makes them suspicious.”

· “Oh my goodness! The fact that guys and girls get yelled at if they hug each other. Even if the girl is older, they freak out and think they’re like having sex or something!”

· “Parents and kids need to have a means of understanding one another, and high school outings [need to] lighten up on the severity and strictness.”

· “[High school servants need] to be more relaxed about dating ‘cause no matter what, we're gonna do it behind your back.”

So what do parents and church servants do when they hear something like that: “no matter what, we’re gonna do it behind your back.” Parents try to enforce and beg that their children do it their way; Church servants try to enforce the ideal time to date is when you are “spiritually, mentally, and financially” ready. But is there really anything you can say when someone’s mind is already made up? Maybe the best we can do is give them our opinion and let them learn through experience if dating in high school is really worth it.

The best way to sum up the difference between beliefs and actions of the Second-Generation, Diaspora Copts is through a quote by seventeen year old Mariam. She states: “I have dated before and found no point for it at the end, and I won’t be surprised if I dated again even though I know all of this. And if you ask me why I would date again, I think my answer would be that I can't help it.”

A Modern-Day Genocide

Disclaimer: Due to the topic of this post, there are graphic images that may not be appropriate for young children or those who have a light stomach.

What destroys humanity? Guns? Knives? Bombs?

As stated before in this blog, the Coptic Orthodox Church is known as the Church of the Martyrs. Also as stated many times before, the Church has gone through persecution during the reign of Diocletian and the Arab Invasion of Egypt. And I wish I could say it’s is a thing of the past. I wish I could say that every single person of the world, regardless of race, religion, or color followed the Golden Rule. That they would think twice before harming their fellow man. But that is far from the reality the Coptic community faces today.

During the 1970s, religious fever became an epidemic among the Muslims in Egypt. Before that, Christian and Muslims neighbors ignored their religious differences to play together, support each other, and celebrate each other’s holidays. Christians would celebrate the Eid of Ramadan with their Muslim friends and the Muslims would wish their Christian friends a Merry Christmas and Happy Easter. Secular Christians and Muslims alike would snicker at the more religious hijab wearing women and the men wearing the traditional garb. They didn’t follow the fashion of the time nor did they indulge in the kind of joking and fun activities other less religious classmates would partake in. They, the Qur’an-hugging Muslims, were the minority of their own people after all: the “nerds” of the class and outcasts of the workplace.

And then Anwar al-Sadat became president.

Sadat wanted to convert those who were lovers of Gamal Abdel Nasser, the previous president, and followers of Nasserism. So, Sadat met with the leader of the Muslim Brotherhood and gave him free reign. He wanted to be the new icon of Egyptian celebrity and power. With his blessing and the turn of his back, The Muslim Brotherhood moved through college campuses, preaching to students who were great lovers of Nasser. The religious fever among the Egyptian Muslim community began. More men began wearing the traditional garb. Women began wearing hijabs to cover their hair and some even went to the extreme of wearing nijabs, like the one on the left, to cover their nose, mouth, and jaw. Many women also wore loose fitting dresses in accordance to the Qur’an and to distinguish themselves from the Christians.

With the religious fever also came the rise of persecution for the Christians. Eleven years later, Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman, a cleric who also had a role in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, approved a fatwa for the assassination of Sadat—the same president who stated: “Fear is, I believe, a most effective tool in destroying the soul of an individual—and the soul of a people”—a statement that he put into action every day he was in power. And with his death, rose Hosni Mubarack—Sadat’s vice president and now, the current President of Egypt.

Fast-forward to 1998.

In a small rural town in Upper Egypt called Al-Kosheh, tensions rose between Christians and Muslims. Muslims were seeking revenge for the “poisoning” of a Muslim brother. However, the revenge was done in vain, because the man wasn’t poisoned but actually died of natural causes. Regardless, two Copts were murdered by them. In response to seeking revenge, the corrupted Egyptian police arrested 1,200 Christians for investigation. Metropolitan Bishop Wissa of al-Balyana, along with two of his priests were also arrested after criticizing the wrongful round-up of their fellow Christian brothers and sisters. They were charged with “inciting strife and damaging national unity between Christians and Muslims.” Because, apparently, the revenge seekers and policemen were correct in their actions. After all, Christians are only second class citizens. Go figure.

In October of that same year, two months after the incident, Christina Lamb of London’s Daily Telegraph wrote an article reporting that some of the arrested Christians had undergone mock crucifixions and the Metropolitan bishop faced a possible execution. Now, you have to realize that Egypt is the type of country that will tap your phone, censor the news, and have no problem destroying those who openly disagree with the majority. Can you guess how the Egyptian government took to the international exposure of demeaning us second-class citizens our human rights?

Not very well.

They arrested the head of the Egyptian Organization for Human Rights (EOHR) and accused him of leaking the story to the Daily Telegraph. Both the head of EOHR and the Metropolitan were eventually released, along with the government stating they would punish those members of the police force who acted improperly. What really happened, you may ask? Those officers who violated the human rights of Copts were promoted. Yes, promoted.

This incident became known as the First Al-Kosheh Massacre. Naturally, Copts in America pushed for the US Congress to add Egypt among the nations who openly discriminates against Christians.

The Second Al-Kosheh Massacre happened about a year afterwards on New Year’s Eve 1999, stemming from a dispute between a Christian merchant and a Muslim customer. The incident escalated with the relatives of the customer targeting Christian-owned shops and homes: looting, destroying, and burying them. Two days later, riots spread through neighboring cities killing 21 Christians. More than forty additional Christians were injured and 260 businesses, homes, and kiosks were destroyed—all Christian-owned. In addition, one Muslim was accidentally shot in during the riot by a fellow rioter. This sole event went down as one of Egypt’s bloodiest massacre.

You may be asking, where was the police? Where was the law enforcement, well, enforcing the law? It’s simple. They were watching. Some actually participated in the riot… and not for the good of the Christians.

On the first of December, 2000, a criminal court in Egypt’s Sohag governorate release ALL 89 defendants charged in the New Year’s Eve massacre in Al-Kosheh—without bail. It was an unprecedented move for Egypt, especially since they were a month away from receiving their verdict. ALL suspects that were initially arrested in connection to this massacre were acquitted. THE ONLY PERSON CONVICTED IN THE MASSACRE WAS A MUSLIM CHARGED WITH THE ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING OF ANOTHER MUSLIM; he was sentenced to thirteen years in prison.

Can you guess how the Coptic community felt at this moment? I’ll just say outraged would be an understatement .

H.H. Pope Shenouda III openly rejected the ridiculous verdict: “We want to challenge this ruling. We don’t accept it.” Egypt’s Prosecutor General Maher Abdel Wahid appealed the acquittal. Metropolitan Wissa of al-Balyana shared the same sentiments with the Pope stating the ruling is “a shame that defames the reputation of Egypt and an invitation for more violence.”

The Bishop was right.

Six days following the acquittal, the homes of four Christian families of Al-Kosheh were set on fire and completely destroyed. One of the homeowners who reported the incident to the police was tortured and forced to sign a statement prepared by a public prosecutor charging him with perpetrating the whole incident. Subsequently, he was forced to post bail for his own release.

Like I said, Coptic Christians around the world were more than outraged. It soon became known that the government wanted to change the name of the town, and therefore, sweep both incidents under the rug by pretending the city never existed. Great way to defend the underdog, don’t you think?

Immediately, the Diaspora Copts rose up seeking the help of their government to take action against Egypt’s corrupted system and double-standard through peaceful vigils, like the one photographed on the left.

Take a look at this video in which the broadcast discusses the difficulty in building churches in Egypt as well as another way the Coptic Christian community is being persecuted: through human trafficking—also known as forced conversions and marriages.




Recent reports included the abductions of Amira Morgan and Ingy Basta: both abducted in Alexandria, Egypt during the month of July in 2009. Ms. Morgan, photographed on the right, was abducted on the 18th of July on her way back from work. That same morning, her mother received a phone call from a Muslim cleric named Sheikh Mohammed. He told her that Amira was fine and that she would be converting to Islam the next Friday. When she travelled to the mosque in her region, searching for her daughter and Sheikh Mohammed, a man told her there were over fifty clerics by that name. When she started crying, another man approached her and said that she shouldn’t report the abduction. Otherwise, her nine year old son would be slaughtered in front of her. In order to save her son, Morgan’s mother fled the region to an unknown location. On the 22nd of July, Ingy Basta, photographed on the left, was abducted in the Nozha Airport area when she went to repair her cell phone. Ms. Basta was supposed to be engaged to a Coptic man on the 26th. Although her father reported the abduction the next day, she has yet to be found.

It isn’t surprising of the double-standard upheld by the Egyptian government. As you can see, these women have been wronged and you don’t hear about Christians rioting down the street knocking down everything and everyone in their path. However, during the month of October several riots took place in Dairout, Egypt due to an alleged sexual relationship between a Muslim girl, Hagger Hassouna, and a Christian man, Romany Farouk Attallah. Rumors of intimate photos of them together sent by Attallah to various cell phones led the Hassona family to kill Attallah’s father on Sunday, October 19, 2009 in the village market of Attaleen. After they shot him with over 140 bullets and wounded two of his relatives, his body was dragged in the streets while there were shouts of victory and hits directed at the dead body.

The second round of violence began on Saturday October 24, 2009 when a rumor circulated that Attallah would appear in court after being arrested and transferred from Alexandria was just a rumor. In addition, they also heard the prosecution extended the detention of the Muslim killers of Attallah’s father. Hundreds of Muslims, mostly from Al-Azhar Institute in Dairout, went rampaging all over the town, but specifically in areas where Coptic businesses and pharmacies were located. They looted and demolished everything in sight. According to activist Wagih Yacoub, of the Middle East Christian Assosication (MECA), the Church of the Virgin and Abu Seifein as well as the Church of the Virgin were attacked via throwing stones and setting the windows on fire.

And of course, we can’t forget our vulnerable Coptic girls. They were subjected to Muslims trying to tear their clothes off as they went to school. Overall, they were subjected to sexual harassment, obscene insults, and recipients of hurled stones in an attempt to avenge the “shame” brought on by Attallah towards the Muslim girl.

And, yet again, the police was nowhere to be found until FIVE HOURS after the initial call.

Those who were interviewed agreed that the couple should be penalized rather than the entire village for their illicit affair. After all, the girl was equally a willing participant as the man.

Attorney Dr. Naguib Gobrail, President of the Egyptian Union Organization for Human Rights, wrote to President Mubarak asking him to intervene. He also blamed the government for neglecting to take the proper actions in regards to both Al-Kosheh Massacres: “Had you condemned those who defamed the Christian religion and those who spread the culture of violence and fanaticism, then no sectarian violence against Copts would have taken place in Dairut, Menoufia (where a Copt was beheaded like the one on the left) or Abu Fana, where monks were tortured in 2008.” He reminded Mubarak that Copts are also Egyptian citizens.

Where’s Martin Luther King Jr. when you need him? All he would have to do is make little revisions here and there in his infamous speech. Maybe something like, “I have a dream that one day these Coptic daughters will live in a nation where they will not be judge by the cross on their skin but by the content of their character.” Or how about, “This swelter summer of the Copt’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality.”

You may think that all these attacks only happen in Egypt or only happen in third-world Middle Eastern countries. After all, websites like CoptsUnited.com, TheFreeCopts.net, ForgottenMinority.blogspot.com, and the newspaper The Voice of the Immigrant educate others about the persecution and condemnation Coptic Christians endure—something that local Egyptian news are adamantly ignoring during their daily broadcasts.

But it has recently expanded.

Coptic Americans were shocked when they perused the newspapers in early 2005 to find a Coptic man, Hossam Armanious, and his family slain and mutilated because he was… well, Coptic. The family was outspoken critics of Islam. The father especially, would go on websites and chat rooms via paltalk.com debating theology with Muslims. Armanious received many death threats due to his debating. According to one family friend, one threat stated: “You’d better stop this bull, or we are going to track you down like a chicken and kill you.” But Armanious didn’t stop because after all, he wasn’t in Egypt anymore. He was in the land of the free—Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Religion was grated to him and anyone who wanted to disrupt his right to practice them would be prosecuted. Right? Well, Carrie Devorah states: “Hossam wrongly interpreted America’s Freedom of Religion guaranteed his Freedom of Expression and offline anonymity.”

On January 14, 2005, Armanious (47), his wife Amal Garas (36), and their daughters, Monica (8) and Sylvia (15), all photographed on the left, were found murdered in their New Jersey home. The family was bound and tortured before the murders slit their throats. Sylvia was especially brutalized with her face beaten beyond recognition and repeatedly stabbed in the chest and wrist where she bore her cross tattoo. The later is a common torture mechanism when afflicting those who bear the sign of their faith: either with stabbing them in the wrist or slicing that section of skin so that there is a gap where the cross used to be. Oh, by the way, that Saturday would have been Sylvia’s sixteenth birthday.


So what happened? Was justice sought out? Well, here's where it gets interesting... and a little confusing, so bare with me. According to TalkLeft.com and TheAmericanMuslim.org, they state that the newspapers were wrong… that the motive was robbery, not religious hatred, pointing the finger to an upstairs neighbor, Edward McDonald, and alleged accomplice, Hamiliton Sanchez, who both pleaded not-guilty to the crimes. It’s an interesting conclusion, since at the time, it was believed that all their gold and valuables were left untouched.

In the process of researching the slaying of the Armanious family, I came across Daniel Pipes blog which posted a summary of the prosecution's case based on the Jersey Journal account. In short, on March 3, 2005, McDonald gave a videotaped confession admitting he and Sanchez held the three woman at gunpoint, masked, and ready to burgarlized the home. According to McDonald, they bound and blindfolded the women. While they ransacked the house, Armanious arrived. He gave them the ATM card and PIN number without resistance. (This would later be the reason authorities believed they were the cause of the murders, finding almost $3,000 withdrawn from Armanious' bank account after the day of the murders). He was also bound and blindfolded. McDonald added that Monica "pulled the thing off--she seen all of us." After mumble a few things inaudibly, he added, "everybody had to die." He then confessed to "stabbing" Monica, while Sanchez killed the other three. In total, his jury convicted him on 29 counts of felony murder, burglary, robbery and weapons possession. According to Michaelangelo Conte of the Jersey Journal: "After the jury was dismissed, one member of the panel said some jurors believed the confession and others did not. That's why there wasn't a guilty verdict on the murder charge to Monica."

Isn't that interesting? The one murder he admits to doesn't get a gulity verdict and the man who McDonald confesses to carrying out the other three murders walks away utterly free. According to Daniel Pipes, defense attorney Paul Feinberg "kept arguing throughout the trial, because McDonald's confession came under dubious circumstances and not a single piece of forensic evidence ties him or Sanchez to the crime." If no one believed it, why wasn't it thrown out? And if it was true, why did he stab Monica? Even if she did see something, she would have seen a tall figure wearing a mask. Besides, he said he threatened the family wearing a mask at gunpoint; why didn't he shoot her?


However, on March 20, 2008, a jury found McDonald, photographed on the right, guilty of felony murder in the slaying of the Armanious family. According to reporter Jason Fink, "The felony murder convictions mean the jury held him responsible for the deaths because they occurred during the commission of a felony (the burglary)" not because he killed him with his own hands. But it just doesn’t make any sense. Bishop David, spiritual leader for most North American Copts states: “It’s very difficult to believe that four people were killed just to steal a card to take some money out of an ATM machine. A lot of things need to be explained in more detail.”

It isn’t the most unheard of thing for people to loot the dead. I suspect he found the family slaughtered, and instead of reporting the crime, he grabbed the ATM card and ran. Also, since his was on parole for drug-dealing, I wouldn’t put it passed him to not report the incident, fearing that he would be accused of the murders. Then again, his background makes him the perfect scapegoat for those who desire to deflate the situation between Muslim- and Coptic-Americans, as well as avoiding any offense against the Muslim community.

But let’s pay devil’s advocate, shall we? Let’s say he did murder all four members of the family just to steal an ATM card. Why would he create such a blood bath? Why torture them? But most importantly, why go through the extra mile of carving out Sylvia's cross tattoo? What does her tattoo have to do with his mission of robbery? After all, most Americans don’t know the significance about the cross tattoo to Copts. Most Americans don’t know much about Copts in general. But fellow Middle Easterners do.

Regardless, on June 30 of the same year, Supreme Court Judge Kevin Callahan sentence McDonald to four 75-year terms to be served consecutively. That’s a pretty hefty sentence to give a man convicted of crime with so many holes in it. Lucky for Sanchez, all charges were dropped on his account.

Why am I writing about something that’s so depressing, you may ask? What does this have to do with Coptic identity or the complexities of the threshold? It’s simple, really. This is something that is happening to our brothers and sisters as we speak. Visit one of the websites regarding persecution listed above and I assure you they will have something new to report weekly, if not daily. The fact of the matter is that it was pure luck that we, the Diaspora Copts, aren’t facing the situation that they are; whether because your family’s name was picked out of the lottery to emigrate out of Egypt or you found out some glitch in the system to escape the country and never look back.

Let me ask you again: what destroys humanity?

It’s hate. Blind, ignorant hate. Hate is like a weed: once implanted, it’s hard to uproot and it destroys everything around it. So how can we protect others from hate? Call me an optimist, but I believe the answer is love. Now hear me out. The love I’m talking about isn’t stationary. It’s active. The love I’m talking about spreads like pollen in a field. It grows and blossoms. Out of love for our people, country, and livelihood, I implore you to identify with these victims imprisoned in these situations, like this girl with the burnt face. What would you want others to do when they hear your story? Would you want them to turn their backs and pretend you never existed? Or would you want them to be active in the struggle and strife to gain your human rights? So out of love, write to your congressmen and to the President asking them to defend the defenseless. Attend the peaceful vigils announcing to your government that you have not forgotten those victims. That you will speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. After all, love is what keeps humanity alive.

Out of Egypt: Documentary Clip

I have run into another little gem... this time on YouTube, God bless it. Finally, someone has taken on the plight to create a documentary on the Coptic Church and it's people. In this clip, the narrator breaks down the basics of what Coptic Orthodoxy is (what the word "Coptic" means, what the word "Orthodox" means, fasting, etc). But he also discusses the fellowship between the members... which I believe is done better through a video than anything I could write you about here.

Big shout out to Abouna (Fr.) Michael Sorial from Queens, NY, and His Grace Bishop Angaelos from the United Kingdom. Both of these men make an appearance in this clip and are just a blessing to sit down with and gain knowledge from them. Enjoy!

Calling All Coptic Youths

Hey Everyone,

I'm doing an essay on the different views and practices on dating in the American society, Egyptian society, and us in-betweeners who are Coptic/Egyptian, but raised in American and I need your help. If you are a Copt and in high school or you're in your first year in college, please click on this link and fill out a ten question survey: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=181861548381

It won't take long and I promise you it will be an enlightening experience to evaluate yourself. Thank you for your time and I look forward to reading what you have to say.

God bless,
Natalie

Deception's Secret Surprise

I ran into a little gem while I went through my parents' modest DVD collection. Among Arabic films and saint stories, I came across a film called Deception starring Andie MacDowell, Liam Neeson, and Viggo Mortenson. This film is the U.S. edited version of Ruby Cairo (movie poster on the left)— leaving out 20 minutes of the original film, including an explicit love scene between MacDowell and Mortenson, on the cutting room floor.

The plot centers on the recently widowed Bessie Faro (MacDowell) on a mission to systematically collect her husband‘s (Mortenson) secret stash of money in bank accounts all around the world. However, when she reaches Berlin, she finds that someone else has recently withdrawn and closed some of the accounts. With the help of Dr. Fergus Lamb (Neeson, who is also photographed alongside MacDowell in the movie poster on the right), spokesman for "Feed the World," she finds herself in the middle of Cairo to find some answers. What she eventually finds out is her husband isn’t dead at all, but alive and in the middle of a massive scandal.

It’s not the greatest film to grace the silver screen, but what I found interesting happens about an hour in—chapter 10 of the DVD entitled, “What’s Your Secret?” The setting: A liturgy in “The Hanging Church”—a Coptic Orthodox Church in Old Cairo, Egypt. In the background, the priest is swinging the shuriya and a deacon with the Bible and a cross making their circuits around the altar. We’re watching the couple as they are attending the liturgy. Prior to this scene, MacDowell’s character visits Neeson’s asking rather evasively, “What’s your secret? Do you say your prayers?”

Neeson takes her to the church and responds to her question during the liturgy by saying: “Most of these people have been here all night. They pray until they drop. You wonder where they get the strength to carry on, but when you’ve been here long enough, you soon see where it comes from. They’re all taking care of someone poorer than themselves. There’s real charity here. These people know about things the rest of the world has forgotten. They know how to pray and they know how to look after each other. That’s why they smile so much.” He goes on to describe how he used to be a hot-shot oil tycoon in the Gulf with a million dollar house and fancy cars. He became a drunk—“drinking a bottle of brandy a day.” Towards the end of his litany and the lowest point of his existence, he turns to her and says, “Well, these people saved my life.”

Who would have thought the Coptic people would be his big secret? Now, if we could only make an appearance in a box office hit, we may have something here.

Bismasaleeb

I’m driving my mom around, running errands when she utters a curve ball at me—again.

“Bismasaleeb,” she says.

“Momma, if you say that one more time, I swear I’ll pull over,” I tell her.

“Why? What is your problem, child?”

“You’re insulting my driving!”

“All I said was bismasaleeb. That has nothing to do with you.”

“Yes. It. Does. Mom. You’re basically saying my driving is so bad, only divine intervention could save us from it.”

Let me back up. The word “bismasaleeb” in Arabic literally means “in the name of the cross” (bisma = "in the name of" and saleeb = "the cross"). But when someone says it, whether it’s during a calamity or tranquility, they’re actually asking for the intervention of “the cross.” Copts don’t worship the cross itself, but it is a major symbol within the Church: it is where God sent His only begotten Son to receive the punishment for our wrongdoing, Christians and non-Christians alike… because we are all His children. It is where justice and mercy meet: justice for the payment of our sins and mercy because God has paid the debt, not us. That is why we wear a cross or crucifix pendant around our necks; why we tattoo it to our wrists. It is a constant reminder that our God is a just, but loving and merciful God.

However, the generation gap between those Copts born and raised in Egypt and those second-generation immigrant Copts raised elsewhere tend to call out differently when shock and fright arises. The older generation and those still in Egypt shout out “bismasaleeb!” with all their might, while most Diaspora Copts revert to the generic “Oh my God!” or “Jesus Christ!” Does that mean we will gain less comfort or divine intervention because we couldn’t come up with something more… creative? Or something more true to the Coptic heritage?

I don’t know.

My uncle, who was almost accidently assassinated by members of the Muslim Brotherhood, cannot walk into the room—let alone a building, car, or plane—without making the sign of the cross on the threshold and whisper, “bismasaleeb.” I have yet to figure out if he started this habit because of the assassination attempt that should have been on his brother’s head and not his, or if he’s always done that.

I, on the other hand, have gotten used to English being my more fluent of the two languages. So when my car lost control over three years ago on a major highway, my shock forced me to stay silent as I tried in vain to stop my swerving car. That is, until my car decided to head straight for a concrete median that separated an exit from the rest of the highway. Eyes wide as saucers, I couldn’t help but shout out: “Oh God, oh God, oh God!” And suddenly, my car that had been going an easy 70-75 mph stopped a few feet away from the median with the ease of a car going 5 mph, while smoke bellowed out of the hood. When the shock wore off, I grabbed my leather cross hanging from my rearview mirror, kissed it, thanked God, and leaned my head back, trying to remember how to breathe.

That’s what I’m thinking about as my mom defends herself and her not-so-random use of bismasaleeb. That’s what I’m thinking about when she tells me that I shouldn’t be insulted by the phrase, but embrace it because it is what protects me from the chaos of the world. That’s what I’m thinking about when she tells me that I should start using it myself.

Little does she know that my own, generic English phrase has saved me from myself and my stupid mistakes on several occasions. I guess it couldn't hurt to use that infamous phrase, bismasaleeb, when the setting is right. After all, it all leads back to the same One who took up our cross. It's just a different avenue of calling upon Him.

Cross Tattoos: To Get Inked or Not To Get Inked

What’s in a tattoo? That which we call a cross by any other name would still be ink penetrated in the skin.

Cross tattoos come in all sizes; they can be as elaborative or as simple as the person wants them to be; and they can be placed anywhere on the body. Like what this man did, for example. Tattooed on the entirety of his back, using black and brown ink, is a crucifix. It shows every notch and splinters of the cross as well as the Christ; created with the realism and detail of a DaVinci painting. It is also the most expensive one that I've seen—costing at least a thousand dollars.

This picture shows a rosary wrapped around a girl’s ankle with the cross hanging off of it and laying on the top of her foot. Clearly, it is a simpler and more delicate representation then the man's, but if you look closely you can find details in the shading of the beads and the outline of the cross. We can also guess that the girl is Catholic, since the rosary is used mainly in Catholicism.

On the left, we have an Ethiopian Orthodox Christian—a sister sect to the Coptic Orthodox Christians—with a cross tattoo on her forehead. Hers is the simplest of the group: a blob of ink in the shape of a Coptic cross with its three points on each side. Unlike her two counterparts, she did not get it in a tattoo parlor; she got it in a monastery. And although her cross is neither as precise nor as symmetrical as the other two, she is taking on the greater challenge of placing it on an area of the body where she cannot hide it. The man and the other woman can cover their art whenever they want—the man can put on a shirt and the girl can wear thick hosiery, such as tights, or can wear athletic shoes. This Ethiopian girl, however, will forever be a consensual “slave of God” to all that see her.

You may be thinking, what does all this have to do with Coptic Orthodoxy? One of the simplest ways to identify a Coptic Christian from the rest of the crowd is to look at the inside of their wrists. If they have a cross tattoo on their right wrist, like this person here, they are a Copt. If they don’t, they either haven’t gotten it yet or you have just embarrassed yourself by grabbing a random stranger’s arm.

I still remember vividly the first time someone had grabbed my arm to look at my cross. I went to Georgetown a week after my eighteenth birthday and got an outline of a Coptic cross on my wrist. A week after that, I was handing an essay to my English teacher after school. My sleeves were rolled up so it wouldn’t rub against and aggravate my healing wrist. He grabbed my arm and asked me if I was joking. I gave him a questionable look and he pointed to my cross. “This isn’t real, right?”

“Of course it is,” I told him.

He then proceeded to lace his thumb with saliva from his tongue and rub out what he thought was a fake tattoo. My cross was still raw and the idea of having my teacher’s saliva on my wrist made me yank my arm away. He was completely shocked that one of his quietest and most studious kids would have the audacity to get a tattoo—and in an area that was hard to cover up. It was then that I had to explain to him that it wasn’t a moment of rebellion, but a type of religious/ethnic tradition.

For centuries upon centuries, Coptic Christians as young as toddlers have permanently identified themselves as followers of Christ by allowing monks to tattoo their wrist with a small bluish-green cross. Although there is nothing in Church dogma that requires this act, it has become a tradition through the historical persecution Copts had to endure.

As stated before in this blog, when the Arab Muslims invaded Egypt in 641AD, they gave the Copts three options: convert, remain Christian and pay the Jizya, or death. Those who remained Christian not only had to pay the Jizya tax, but they also went through various methods of identification initiated by the Arabs—like how Jews were required to wear the Star of David on their apparel during World War II. Most notably, Christians were required to wear a large iron cross around there neck. It was said to be so heavy that Christians walked hunchback and, because of the pressure it caused against the neck, their lower cervical bone turned blue.

When it was finally decided to identify themselves through tattoos, the Copts had them placed on the inside of their right wrist in bluish-green ink—as homage to the previous generations’ blue-boned neck.

According to Jennifer A. Johnson’s article entitled “Tattoos of the Cross” in ChristianHistory.net, she states: “During these long periods of maltreatment, the Coptic practice of tattooing arose. In the fourth century A.D., the Montanists, a Christian sect relying heavily on the Book of Revelation, began tattooing themselves as “slaves of God” (Rev. 7:2-3). The earliest evidence of Coptic tattooing goes back to the eighth-century, when Egyptian monks began to brand their hands with Christian symbols. Some scholars believe they learned the practice from Ethiopian Christians, who branded crosses on their foreheads, temples, and wrists.”

An example of the Ethiopians’ style of tattooing can be found in this picture. This girl has simple crosses on her temples and chin. On her forehead is a circle with the four points of the cross. In essences, placing these crosses on the four corners of her face symbolizes the four corners of a cross as well as the “sign of the cross”—the way Orthodox Christians begin and end their prayers. When we say “In the name of the Father,” we take our right hand, placing the thumb, index, and middle finger together—representing the Holy Trinity—and placing our ring and middle finger to our palm—representing the divine and human nature of Christ—and tap our forehead. Then when we say “and the Son,” we tap our stomach; “and the Holy Spirit,” we tap our left shoulder; “one God,” we tap our right shoulder; “Amen,” we take the three fingers representing the Holy Trinity and we kiss it. In the case of the girl, she has a minimized representation of making the sign of the cross to her face alone.

Copts look at their tattoos as a sign of pride and not just a sign of religious distinction. As “the Church of the Martyrs” and “the Mother Church of Africa” there is a plethora of reasons to be proud of our Coptic heritage. Johnson goes on to quote Coptic scholar Otto Meinardus: “In times of persecution, the tattoo of the cross has given strength to the faithful and has made it impossible for them to deny their faith.”

Now fast-forward to the present day. According to a 2006 Pew Research Poll, over a third of Americans between eighteen and forty have at least one tattoo. These tattoos vary from portrayals of religious beliefs to honoring the death of a loved one to following trends like the tramp stamp and tribal bands. With a culture that has made getting inked as easy as covering the cash to pay for the artist’s labor, I wonder about the motivation of the Diaspora Copts in America. Do we still tattoo crosses for the sake of religious and ethnical pride? Or are we simply following the fade of getting a tattoo and justifying the act by getting a cross? After all, we see celebrities like Justin Timberlake, Christopher Meloni, and Angelina Jolie all sporting cross tattoos, but they aren’t the correct representation of God-fearing, church-going Christians.

To quench my curiosity, I took a poll at St. Mark’s Coptic Orthodox Church of Washington, DC and asked why they got their cross, and to those who didn’t sport a tattoo if they would ever get one and why. Here are just a few of the responses I received:

· “[I got my cross tattoo on my wrist] to proudly represent my orthodox roots, to distinguish and separate me from everyone else and to always remind me that even if I fall out of touch with God (continue to fall into sin), I will ALWAYS be his little girl.” ~ Nora Awad, college student at George Mason. She received her cross when she was 19 at Samaan el Kharas Monastery in Egypt.

· “I always did want one, but not just on my wrist. I would want them on my palms down to a little bit below my wrist. That way, whenever I would do anything: eat, play sports, give a talk, teach a lesson etc. I could physically see the cross that gives me power.” ~Pat Youssef.

· “It’s the greatest image in the world!” Eddie Fam, who got his cross at 27 in America.

· “I had always wanted one, drawing it on notebooks all throughout high school, and fondly remembering my grandmother’s that she got in Jerusalem when she was a young girl. I wanted to have a constant visual reminder of what Christ did for me, use it as a tool for witnessing my faith, and to join in solidarity with Copts worldwide.” ~ Mariam Mitry, who was 19 when she got her cross on her wrist in America.

· “I got it as my way of not only identifying who I was (and will always be, even if I want to change my mind in the future), but also for people to ask questions. If people saw something tattooed on another person, they’d know it was serious and meaningful, so they want to know what and why.” Samatha Elbouez, who was 19 when she got her tattoo in America.

· “No, [I don’t have one]. But I want one to be a reminder of who I am especially when I’m out doing missions.” Marina Guirguis, high school student at Freedom High School.

· “I was too young [when I got the one on my wrist]. I have another one right on my forehand that I got when I was twelve.” A.J. Meunier, who got both tattoos in Egypt.

As you can see, although some have tattooed more elaborate and creative crosses on our arms, the majority who do have the cross or will get in the future are still following the same reasons for it from the eighth century—religious distinction and a reminder of Christ’s love for us.

But not everyone feels the same way about the cross tattoos. Amira Khair graduate of American University, states: “I definitely understand the purpose of it as a reminder of Jesus, faith, etc. I’m just not a fan of tattoos in general,” while Maro Youssef, a graduate student at George Washington University says, “No, [I do not plan on getting a cross tattoo] because it’ll prevent me from getting certain jobs.” Although these two women, and others who think alike, do not wish to tattoo themselves, it does not make them any less of a Coptic Orthodox Christian. Remember, the tattoos were a response to the persecution Copts endured in Egypt centuries ago. It is a tradition, not a commandment from God. And because of that, they can find other ways to represent their beliefs, such as wearing a cross or crucifix pendant.

However, the most important way to show our beliefs is through actions. “Talking the talk” would be counterproductive if you don’t “walk the walk.” The same idea applies to us Copts: if we behave in a way that misrepresents our belief system—such as being sexually promiscuous when the Bible tells us to wait until marriage—then we are doing a disservice to our faith and ethnicity—especially if we are wearing a cross tattoo. The tattoo, a sign of faith, ethnicity, and pride, also makes us into ambassadors for Christ. We are held to a higher standard because we are openly saying that we are Coptic Christians; so when we act inappropriately, it not only makes us look like hypocrites, but the entire Coptic community.

So to enlighten other Copts who are asking themselves whether to get inked or not to get inked, I believe it depends on how ready and willing they are to be in the spotlight. If you are defiant against the major viewpoints of the Church, then it would behoove you to delay getting inked until you actually believe what the cross represents. If you honestly try to follow the Church’s teachings and are ready for the magnitude that comes with permanently identifying yourselves as a Coptic Christian, then I encourage you to get it.

Being Coptic in America means we need to behave circumspectly. Yes we all struggle and yes we all have bad days, but we also need to realize that we may be the only exposure to others—co-workers, classmates, random Janes and Joes on the street—of what is a Coptic Christian.

I'm Never Going to Dance Again...

Actually, that’s a lie. And I know that the next line to that George Michael song is “guilty feet have got no rhythm,” but that too, would be a lie. I love dancing. It’s in my blood. You see, Egyptians are some of the most gracefully rhythmic people; we are known to be the best belly dancers among the Middle East. No one can pop, shake, shimmy, or sway the way Egyptians can. I know I’m a little biased, but I can’t help my observations.

At almost every Egyptian wedding I’ve attended, the main attraction other than the happy couple is the dance floor and the occupants of it. It’s nothing like the high school prom where teenagers are “bumping-and-grinding” or getting their “freak on.” Arabic music and tubla (a Middle Eastern drum) solos doesn’t allot a harmony for that. What can be expected are groups beautiful women dressed to the nines in perfect hair and makeup, some with their shawls wrapped around their hips, dancing among their group of friends.

Other times, the majority of the dancers will create a circle around the newlyweds, or a couple of exceptional dancers (both boys and girls), dancing in the middle. The circle of people clap, cheer, and sway their hips along with the music as they watch the amateur dancers perform for the crowd. Sometimes they are humorous, prancing around with a crooked smile on their faces to get a laugh. Sometimes they are seductive, showing off how every inch of their bodies can flow and interpret the music booming out of the stereo system. But one thing that holds a commonality between the differences of the dancers: joy. They are unceasingly joyous.

However, not all Egyptians feel the same way about dancing as I do. There are always a few wallflowers ranging from young to old. Those from Upper Egypt—the Sa’idis—tend to be more conservative and find belly dancing to be too seductive for a proper lady to be a part of. Others who are especially religious might also find that type of dancing improper for a good Christian, just in case you tempt someone into thinking sexual thoughts about you.

In an email chain entitled, “You Know You’re Egyptian When…” also discusses these juxtaposing views of dancing. It states: “your dad thinks belly dancing’s an art form, while your grandmother thinks it’s live pornography.”

Although I have been to a ton of engagements and weddings, I can assure you that you’ll find more sexually suggestive dancing chaperoning at a high school prom or going out clubbing with your friends.



We’re no Samia Gamal or Tahia Carioca—infamous dancers in the video above from the Golden Era of belly dancing in Egypt. We do not expose our mid-drifts or wear sequence bras. We're not there to seduce or tempt. We are in normal evening gowns, ready to enjoy and celebrate the night away.

Ignorance is…

Bliss. Or at least that’s what they tell me. And maybe that’s the case in certain scenarios, but not all of them. Take growing up, for example. How do you know what you are going to be if you don’t know where you came from? Ignoring your roots, or simply not knowing them at all, affects the foundation that you build your life upon—because there simply is no foundation without roots.

In the two years of working with the high school youth group at my church and four years attending the “Primetime” College Friday Night meetings, I have probably heard every Arab joke there is. From extremely late arrivals to any and all events—“there is no discrimination on what we are late for, we're just late for everything,” they say—to the typical arrogant egos of Arab males to gossiping mouths of Arab women. Of course, these examples are only jokes and not meant to include every single person of Arab descent. What saddens me, however, is that the youth group as well as the majority of college students at our church includes us in the ethnic category of “Arab.”

We are Copts. We are Egyptian. We are North African. I will even go so far as to call us Middle Eastern, even though that is a term invented in the 1950’s and we have been around much, much longer than that—but one thing we are not is Arab.

Depending on who you talk to, depends on the criteria used to decipher an Arab from a non-Arab. Many people use the criteria of language. If the country’s national language speaks Arabic, then you must be an Arab. If we apply that logic to other countries, then that means Americans are really English, right? Or that Mexicans are Spanish? Of course we all know better than that. People of America speak English, but they are Americans. Mexicans speak Spanish, but God help you if you call them Spanish to their face. Englishmen are from England and the Spanish are from Spain and although they share the connection of language to those in different countries, it does not change the ethnicity of the people.

Furthermore, the languages of these once colonized countries have become a colloquial, bastardized version of their origin. The English would use words like “lift, petro, and mobile,” where as Americans would say “elevator, gas, and cell phone,” respectively. The Arabic spoken in Egypt is no exception to that rule. Egyptian Arabic, although the most widely understood dialect of all the Arabic-speaking countries, have developed miles of differences to that of the more formal Modern Standard Arabic.

When I met Gregory Orfalea, author of The Arab Americans: A History, two years ago at a teacher’s workshop in Georgetown University, I asked him about his criteria. We exchanged the typical Arabic greetings and pleasantries as he prepared his answer—immediately recognizing my Egyptian Arabic. He insinuated that it was all relative, but he agreed with the majority of the world to decipher Arab ethnicity by language—with a few exceptions. He asked if I was Coptic Orthodox and I showed him my cross tattoo on my wrist—a significant identification of a Coptic Christian. “If we looked at it in the genealogical sense,” he said, “then of course the Coptic people are not Arab because they have no origins in the Arabian Peninsula.”

Let’s take a deeper look at the principle of genealogy. At one point, shortly after the ascension of Christ, Coptic Orthodoxy was the majority religion of Egypt. The national language was Coptic, not Arabic. Also, the ethnicity of the Egyptian people were called Copts; hence the reason why Copts are considered an ethno-religious group. Then in 641AD, the Copts encountered the Arab-Muslim Invasion. They were given three options: convert, pay the Jizya—a special tax to stay Christian, or death. Many could not afford the tax, so they either converted to Islam or died for their faith. In addition, the Arabs also enforced their language by banning the use of the Coptic language in public. Although Coptic is one of the major languages spoken in the liturgy, very few people can have a conversation in that tongue.

For those who still consider Egyptians to be Arabs, let me ask this question: is it possible for a nation to invade and conquer their own people? Of course not; there is nothing to conquer when it already belongs to that nation.

I am not suggesting that Copts are above the Arabs. After all, we are late everywhere we go—to the extent that if we are fifteen minutes late by American standards, we’re at least a half hour early by Egyptian standards. Most Egyptian men are sweet but abundantly arrogant, and many of the women love to spread the juicy gossip. I simply want to untangle this misunderstanding that many of our Coptic youth seem to possess. Maybe then, they will take more pride in being something so exotic that the average person in America has yet to understand.

Our Bittersweet, Joyous Holiday

Americans’ hear the phrase September 11th—or 9/11: the more popular term—as the day that Al-Qaeda terrorists hijacked several planes that crashed into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City and the Pentagon in Northern Virginia, killing almost three thousand people. It was a time of fear, uncertainty, and heartbreak. It was a time when every single person in the nation dialed numbers of loved ones to only get a perpetual busy single. It was a time when all eyes were mesmerized by breaking news delivered by the frantic anchormen.

But September 11th meant something else to the Coptic community other than a day of mourning. It was a day of celebration: The Feast of the Nayrouz. The Nayrouz serves both as the Coptic New Years Day and the feast and commemoration of the martyrs of the Church. Due to the persecution lead by Diocletian, the most brutal persecution delivered by the Roman Empire against Christians, the Coptic Orthodox Church decided to start the Coptic Year beginning the day that Diocletian took the throne in 284AD.

I know, it sounds morbid to joyously celebrate the murder of so many members of the congregation by those who hated and despised us. However, the Coptic Church is known as “the Church of the Martyrs.” According to History of the Church by modern historian Butcher, she states: “if in the world there were six wonders, then the seventh and greatest wonder would be the Coptic Orthodox Church. For despite the many attempts to remove it, and destroy it, and the thousands of martyrs it has presented so that their blood went up to the knees of the horses, yet it has remained steadfast, spread and grown.”

We embrace those who were strong enough to look death in its multiple faces—a metallic tip of a sword or a black barrel of a gun—and proclaim their love for Christ, knowing that action is the greatest tangible love of all: dying for someone you love. We intercede to them and learn about their stories to inspire us to have a better relationship with God.

And in Egypt, they live that reality every day.

The daily persecution of our Coptic brothers and sisters in the motherland comes in many forms. In Upper Egypt, it’s more common to hear of kidnappings, tortures and murders, and forced conversions to Islam. In Lower Egypt, it’s more common to persecute through the death of your career. When an employer sees on your identification card that you are Christian, or simply hearing your name and knowing that your name could be nothing else but Christian, you will be denied that promotion you deserved; or that prominent position you interviewed for. It’s as guaranteed as oxygen in the air.

Take my father for example. My father, the valedictorian of his high school, went off to college and for three years had optimum grades to get an assistantship in his university, which would lead to becoming a professor—a rather prestigious position in Egypt. Magically in his fourth year, when you are picked for assistantships, his overall grades dropped. Not by his means, but somewhere between his graded exams and the filing cabinet, his grades lowered just enough for him to be ineligible for an assistantship. Coincidence? Ha, nice try.

If anyone needs the reminder of the Feast of the Nayrouz, it’s us who live in the Diaspora. Because, let’s face it: living in America where your average decision making skills are tested by whether you’re going to add whip cream, extra syrup, or switch to nonfat milk for your five dollar Starbucks coffee doesn’t test your faith. Neither does sitting outside at two o’clock in the morning on Black Friday to get the iTouch or the latest Wii game. Living the life in the land of the free and the home of the brave has spoiled our outlook on life.

But then again, eight years ago on the very day we are to celebrate our martyrs, America faced a fear so paralyzing that all we could do was lay our head in our hands and pray. I hope that our community can look at both significant events of 9/11 and embrace a relationship with God that we couldn’t have had before.